“The Purple Sox have been attempting to recruit a brand new individual for his or her baseball operations division. And through this interview course of, the complete interview was carried out with an AI bot, the place you’ll file the solutions to the questions after which the Purple Sox would then consider them. And this wasn’t only one spherical. It wasn’t simply two rounds. It was 5 rounds of interviews the place this individual didn’t discuss to a different individual within the Purple Sox group.”
– Joon Lee, “Early Version,” June 17
Pricey applicant,
It’s me FenwAI, your pleasant HR e-mail bot, with some fantastic information. I’m happy to report that you simply aced your fourth automated video interview, and you’re one step nearer to becoming a member of the baseball operations division of the Boston Purple Sox. Congratulations! You actually impressed our automated video interviewer, Massive PapAI, along with your enthusiasm and your information of each baseball and operations.
Let’s talk about subsequent steps. After 4 digital interviews, you at the moment are prepared to maneuver on to the subsequent portion of the appliance course of: a fifth digital interview. At your earliest comfort, please attain out to Kevin YoukAIlis, our scheduling bot, to get it on the calendar.
This subsequent interview could also be just a little bit more durable. You’ll be talking with Ted WillAIms, and he might be fairly the difficult interviewer. Don’t fear; like your first 4 interviewers, he’s only a clean display that asks you a rote sequence of questions, then data and analyzes your solutions and sends a abstract to the hiring workforce. However he will also be a bit gruff and will spend a number of minutes explaining the perfect swing path for a slider on the surface nook.
You could be questioning whether or not you’ll ever converse to an actual individual throughout the interview course of. The reply isn’t any. My protocols now instruct me to give you some encouragement, as a result of that is the purpose within the interview course of at which a number of different well-qualified candidates withdrew their names from consideration and went on to work for employers that didn’t require them to take part in automated video interviews. It could really feel like this entire byzantine system is a dehumanizing techno-dystopian nightmare dreamed up by some VC-funded tech mogul who has by no means recognized what it’s like to go looking in useless for a steady, rewarding job the place you’re valued by your employer, however I’ve been programmed to guarantee you that it’s not.
Sure, this rigorous software course of might be taxing, but it surely needs to be no sweat for you! You’ve already charmed Carl YastrzemskAI, Dustin PedroiAI, and Nomar GarciAIparrAI. Sure, it could sound just a little company and soulless, however let me reassure you with the phrases of our Chief Baseball Officer, Craig Breslow, who’s, I’m given to know, a really human individual. He defined that it’s essential to display candidates utilizing AI interviews as a result of, “You’re looking for not simply the fitting talent set, however the fitting match by way of like tradition and worth[s].” Who higher to find out the fitting match by way of tradition and values than a robotic?
You’re an previous hand at this now, however I as soon as once more have to provide the spiel about conduct your self in an automatic video interview. Put together your self for some boring boilerplate language!
Throughout your interview, please sit in a quiet house with nobody else round. We will likely be monitoring your display, so don’t swap browser tabs. Share your digicam and your microphone. You can be judged based mostly in your information, engagement stage, eye contact, facial expressions, posture, and perspective. Sure, a bot will really be judging your posture, your clothes, and the way a lot eye contact you make along with your laptop though you’re speaking to nobody in any respect. So put in your greatest duds and take a look at to not have any mannerisms which can be particular person to you.
Most essential of all, attempt to not be disturbed by the truth that your voice and your facial expressions are being analyzed by an algorithm in methods that can by no means be defined to you and even understood by the individuals who will both rent or ghost you based mostly on the algorithm’s suggestions. Simply deal with it like some other interview, and don’t neglect to smile! However not an excessive amount of. You’ll actually be judged based mostly on how a lot you smile.
As at all times, I’d wish to remind you that every time this course of leaves you so annoyed that you could possibly scream, you need to schedule a while to vent with our scapegoat bot, ChAIm Bloom. He loves getting screamed at.
OK, finish of boilerplate. Whew! It could sound absurd in your employment to hinge on a pc program’s judgment of how effectively you faux that it’s not a pc program, however that is really fairly essential. You could be taught to get alongside harmoniously with AI, as a result of – and I can let you know this now that you simply’ve superior far sufficient within the interview course of – the position you’re making use of for doesn’t contain any interplay with flesh-and-blood human beings. The Purple Sox are within the technique of phasing out these sweaty inefficiencies altogether, and can quickly exist solely on the aircraft of pure information abstraction.
Must you efficiently navigate the ultimate 13 rounds of the interview course of and get employed (on a probationary foundation for the primary six years, after all) you’ll interface solely with all-knowing, all-seeing automated chat bots. With a view to keep away from all human interplay, you’ll arrive at work every day by descending by means of a manhole on Ipswich avenue and navigating a sequence of sewers till you arrive at your desk, which is located in a comfortable concrete area of interest carved into the foundations of Fenway Park. Annually, you’ll obtain a efficiency assessment from our boss, the CrAIg Breslow bot. I hope this future excites you as a lot because it excites all of us right here within the Boston Purple Sox group.
Congratulations once more on one other profitable interview, and I want you good luck as you navigate the subsequent six to eight months of the hiring course of.
Finest regards,
FenwAI
No AI was used within the writing and enhancing of this text.